Experts say these are the three patterns of “long-term singleness”

Amy Chan’s business brought in more than $200,000 in revenue in 2023, according to documents seen by CNBC Make It.

Provided by Amy Chen

Do you feel like you’ve been single for a long time?

Well, you’re not alone. The term “chronically single” has disappeared viral With some people on TikTok video The global audience exceeds 10 million people.

Amy Chan told CNBC Make It that there are two types of singles: happy singles and unhappy singles.

After going through a painful breakup in her 20s, Chen set out to change the breakup and dating experiences for people around the world. Today, she works as a relationship and breakup coach and hosts two weekend retreats called “Breakup Boot Camp” and “Dating Boot Camp.”

She is also the author of “Breakup Boot Camp: The Science of Reconnecting with Your Heart” and has over 200,000 followers on TikTok and Instagram. Her business brought in more than $200,000 in 2023, according to documents seen by CNBC Make It.

“Some people are single and it’s painful for them, but I actually think it’s better because they’re motivated to try different things,” Chen said. “The hardest part is when they’re living a good life (and) it’s not that they’re unhappy, so there’s no pain point to motivate them to step out of their comfort zone.”

“So while being in a partnership can be amazing, one has to risk rejection and do all the things that go into dating—they just make excuses and avoid doing it,” Chen said.

Based on her experience coaching clients, Chen has discovered the following three patterns in “chronically single” people:

They are “no” oriented

One pattern Chen has observed in his work is that chronically single people are the ones who like to say “no.”

“What I’ve noticed with a lot of my successful clients is that they just say ‘no’ … and then disqualify them before there’s any chance,” Chen told CNBC Make It. “They never let that connection have any The potential for development because in their minds they know what they want, but it may not necessarily be what they need.”

They tend to be very critical and overly focused on the other person’s shortcomings. “They have an idea in mind about this person, more to satisfy their ego than to actually create a meaningful connection,” Chen said in a report. Tik Tok video.

“I think it’s partly because you’re used to being a leader… having people do exactly what you want them to do for you or you can fire them – that doesn’t translate to relationships… Love doesn’t thrive on harshness,” she told CNBC Make It.

they destroy their relationship

Another pattern among “chronically single” people is their tendency to sabotage their relationships, Chen said. “One of the ways people destroy relationships is by investing in people they don’t get along with,” she said.

“A lot of times they’ll blame their city or (say) ‘all men are like this’ or ‘all girls are like this’ without really uncovering why they’re doing it,” she said. “A very common reason why people perpetuate feelings of attraction or date undateable people is — it’s actually a very convenient way to avoid intimacy.”

When asked, they might say they don’t have a type, but Chen says otherwise. She explains that while it may not be a physical type, long-term singles may have an “emotional type.”

“It could be anxiety, it could be lack of time, whatever it is,” Chen explained. “There’s an emotional experience that suits your type, and it comes in different packages.”

They don’t put themselves out there

Whether it’s not taking time out of a busy schedule or not taking the time to meet new people, another pattern Chen sees among singles is that they don’t make room in their lives for dating.

“There are many myths people believe about love and relationships, one of which is ‘love happens when you least expect it,'” Chen said. “So (they) don’t expose themselves out there.”

“A lot of people (say) ‘Well, you know, it’s going to happen when it happens,’ and I’m like, ‘But you work in a women’s facial clinic and you go straight home… when you When does love hit you while watching TV?

“It’s almost an excuse not to expose themselves because they’re used to being single,” Chen said.

Want to take control of your money this fall? Sign up for CNBC’s new online course. We’ll teach you practical strategies to slash your budget, reduce debt, and grow wealth. Start feeling more confident and successful today. Use code EARLYBIRD for a 30% introductory discount, now extended to September 30, 2024, just in time for back-to-school season.