My husband—a brooding New Yorker, polite, and tolerant—had a meltdown on the seventh day of our family vacation.
“She kept talking,” he said.
this “she“ My mother was a lively Midwesterner who could win over a room full of strangers with the dexterity of a small-town politician at a church picnic. Even in a crowded elevator, there’s no room for awkward silence.
But some people like silence. They make a living doing it, says John Hackston, director of thought leadership at Myers-Briggs.
This is one of many areas that can cause problems for both introverted and extroverted travel companions, he said. Whether it’s a spouse, best friend, or acquaintance, travelers who spend a lot of time together often have a hard time finding middle ground.
The publication of Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking spurred more than a decade of introvert advocacy, helping many introverts embrace and publicly support their drive.
But extroverts don’t engage in the same level of reflection, Haxton said.
“People put less emphasis on extroverts’ self-understanding,” Haxton says, because “Western societies, especially, tend to view extroverts as the right way to do things.”
As a result, many people remain unaware of how they impact those around them.
missed clues
When it comes to vacation, personality-based questions can start in the planning stages, Haxton says.
He said that because extroverts tend to get their energy from the outside world, many are drawn to certain types of vacations, such as taking a cruise or traveling with friends to an island with a vibrant nightlife.
The problem, says Haxton, is that extroverts often assume that others think and feel the same way they do. This can manifest in everything from too much small talk at breakfast, to vacation schedules that include too much planning (and too little down time).
“They may want to keep going to the party when others don’t want to attend,” he says, which in turn can make introverts feel like they should attend.
The result, he said, was “a spiral of dysfunction.”
Wrong assumptions can also cause extroverts to miss social cues, such as cues from a less talkative airline seat companion.
Conversely, extroverts have also been known to mistake introverts’ slower reaction times as a lack of interest in the conversation, or as an invitation to talk more.
“When you talk to introverts, you get this pause. They have to go in and think about what the answer is before they can come out again. “Extroverts tend to come right back. “
Without realizing this, he says, extroverts will often keep talking, repeating their questions, and talking loudly to move the conversation along, not knowing that the introvert never gets a chance to respond.
cultural level
Haxton said some cultures are considered more extroverted, which can complicate interactions while traveling.
“In America, there’s a common belief that if you talk to someone, they’re going to talk back. That’s not true in all cultures. In the UK, that’s not true… and in cultures like Japan, it’s even more true.
John Haxton, director of thought leadership at Myers-Briggs, said Americans “tend to be relatively extroverted in behavior, while Britons are slightly more extroverted”.
Chris Ratcliffe | Bloomberg | Getty Images
While he warned against stereotypes, he noted that Southern Italians are seen as more extroverted, while Northern Europeans, especially some Scandinavian countries, are seen as more introverted.
Travelers may have difficulty distinguishing foreigners’ personality traits, but “Finns will recognize Finns as extroverts,” he said, even if “to you they all look like introverts.”
develop self-awareness
Haxton recommends that travelers and their families take a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment to better understand each other.
“It opens people’s eyes to the fact – which is always a very silly thing to do, but it’s true – people are different and come from different places,” he said.
Just because you are good friends doesn’t mean you will be a good traveler.
Emma Morel
Travel Blogger
“Realize that if your spouse, partner or family member wants to… do things differently than you do, they’re not doing it to annoy you,” he said. “They’re doing it. Because that’s where they’re really coming from.” .
The Myers-Brigg Type Indicator also examines other aspects of people’s personalities. For example, Haxton said, the “judgment” and “perception” frameworks assess how people prefer to be organized.
He says that “judging” extroverts will enjoy a day filled with organized planning, while “sensing” extroverts will want a day full of spontaneous, spontaneous action – a difference that can lead to big differences during the holidays.
“So, it’s not just extroverts versus introverts. Sometimes extroverts go together,” he said.
Travelers like this can learn how to plan future trips through established plans and punctuate them with free time.
“It starts with recognizing who you are, recognizing who they are, and figuring out a way that you can work together,” he said.
Family travel blogger Emma Morrell says that by choosing carefully who she travels with, she’s managed to avoid many of the personality pitfalls that ruin other people’s travels.
“You have to know yourself and the people you’re traveling with,” she said.
“I have some very good friends who I love dearly, but we will never be apart,” she said. “Just because you’re good friends doesn’t mean you’ll make good travelers.”
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