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Gen Z is tired of dating apps and prefers meeting new people in real life, but the tech-savvy generation isn’t as experienced in experiencing romance in person.
In recent years, dating apps have lost appeal among singles, especially Gen Z (the generation born between 1997 and 2012).The rate was 61% for 49-year-olds, according to the report politicians give Starting in September 2023.
Dating apps are no longer cool to younger generations because they are well aware that these companies are only focused on making money rather than building a good user experience, says Jeff Guenther, a licensed author for individuals and couples Professional counselor and author of Dating.
“It feels like signing up for dating apps is making tech boys and Silicon Valley investors richer,” Gunther told CNBC Make It. “They want us to keep the app on for as long as possible so they can get the most out of it. Making money on us instead of actually matching us with someone so we can delete the app,”
Guenther points to the various app features hidden behind paywalls, as well as the “micro-rejections” that users often encounter, such as ghosting, that fascinate them.
“There are all these things going on like micro rejections that mess with your self-esteem, your self-worth and your mental health, so it doesn’t feel like the best place to feel good about yourself anymore,” he said.
At least 95% of Gen Z who use dating app Hinge worry about rejection, and more than half say fear of rejection prevents them from pursuing potential relationships. Hinge’s Dating Trends Report Published February 2024.
As a result, according to a recent survey, Gen Z wants to ditch these apps, including a return to traditional ways of dating, such as meeting someone in real life. Eventbrite Survey Of 1,001 respondents in the U.S.
Eventbrite found that nearly half of Gen Z are keen on meeting a life partner through mutual friends, and about a third hope this will happen in their daily lives.
“They grew up with iPhones in their hands, they’re digital natives, they probably haven’t had a lot of practice flirting and taking risks with people in real life, and that’s scary. In real life, leaving is a very vulnerable thing. Stand up and approach someone or ask someone out on a date,” Gunther said.
Guenther and relationship and sex expert Courtney Boyer share four top tips for Gen Z to meet new people in real life.
Let everyone know your intentions
If you’ve been relying on dating apps for a long time, it might feel like finding a way to meet people in real life is impossible, but an easy way to speed things up is to let your social circle know you’re looking for a date, Boyer says .
“Be willing to be uncomfortable,” she told CNBC Make It. “Just make your intentions known. Just like having a lot of friends is a natural at bringing people together.”
Guenther agrees, adding that asking a friend to set you up is an easy and approachable way to meet more people, especially if your friend knows you well and understands your personality and interests.
“Let’s go to the real world.”
Gunther said young people are often addicted to their smartphones and choosing to stay home rather than go out, but you have to be outside to really meet people.
“Get out into the real world and put yourself in contact with people,” he explains, and you can make connections by actually attending events or going to bars and clubs.
“Maybe you could also do what we’ve been doing, which is make a conscious effort to go somewhere interesting, whether it’s watching a movie, learning pottery, camping with friends, or finding other people who share your values, like at rallies and Marching, and organizing really resonates with your core beliefs,” he explains.
Have “open body language”
It’s not enough to just go places and expect to meet the love of your life. Gunther says that if you want to communicate with people, you need to have “open body language.”
This involves making eye contact with another person for two to three seconds and then seeing if they maintain that eye contact. Then just approach that person and say, “Hi, how’re you doing?” Gunther said.
“You don’t have to say an amazing quip or something super funny,” he added.
He also recommends asking open-ended questions to see if the other person will give a longer answer.
“So, it’s really about connecting, having a normal, pleasant, relaxed conversation with them and trying to see if they want to talk to them first.”
He adds that if the person doesn’t seem interested, it’s important to “take that as a sign and move on.”
Add value to other people’s lives
Being overly focused on dating is not a healthy mindset, Boyer instead recommends pursuing genuine connections and finding ways to add value to people’s lives.
She shared a story about a time when she and her friends were traveling to Paris and saw an attractive man.
“There was this beautiful man walking down the street in Paris, and I said ‘Oh my God, can I tell you, you have the biggest smile?’ and he said ‘Oh my God, thank you.'” We just kept walking, and he Stop at the next traffic light, turn around, and say ‘Hey, do you have Instagram?
She explained that the interaction was not about seeking approval or trying to get the man to like her, but about adding some fun to the other person’s life.
“When that guy walks down the street, I’m not thinking ‘Oh my gosh, my future husband is gone and I need to get him to like me and see how awesome I am.'” It’s about passing it on , I just wanted him to know that he had a really bright smile,” she said.
Boyer added that sometimes this might lead to more results and sometimes not. Holding the intention of “I need to find a boyfriend, I want to go home with a certain man” is actually really “disgusting”.
She says focusing on enjoying yourself and having a good time is a more attractive and engaging energy.
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